Sometimes I forget I'm on a journey.

Open heavens...
am I not already in heaven? In Jesus? Already seated with Christ in the heavenly places? (Ephesians 2:6) Already in His Kingdom?
How do I engage this Reality.. every time He wispers to my heart, "Faithful in the small" Like praying for healing.
But then I imagine it not happening... cause I've seen more people walk away not healed, then healed. So what's up with that?

He reminded me of the journey we went on yesterday. The journey, NOT the destination.

When we took Althoff to the place where her surprise birthday picnic was SUPPOSE to be (the healing was SUPPOSE to happen), but it wasn't there (it didn't happen!). And I could've gotten frusterated like, "Common God are you serious? I'm trying to bless this person! Isn't that what you want! (Isn't it your WILL to heal!) It's good, pure, why isn't it working out?"
But I didn't think that yesterday, I trusted, kept going, and eventually He brought us to a place even MORE beautiful than the first, where we found everything as expected and even more.

The journey is so precious because He takes me through TESTING AND TRIALS. To rid me off all the lies and garbage I'm still living out of.
Cause what am I afraid of in praying for people, healing, acting of His Kingdom, His promises?
...fear of man, failure, looking foolish, humiliation.

But your truth says there is NO humanilation in Christ. What a dirty lie! Yet I do not have that heart revelation...because I have not walked through it. For that truth to become living breathign in me...His Word become flesh, I must walk through that trial, overcome it in testing, so I KNOW in the depths of my soul.

And if I listen I can hear Him calling, "Start the journey now, dont' wait. Come, follow Me."

True Worshipers

One month. I've seen God's promise of a new generation for Mexico come to life. That God's eyes search the earth for true worshipers, hearts that are after His and are willing to give everything.

I want to be that worshiper, to worship Him in Spirit and Truth. I've been digging deep to learn what that means for months. Music doesn't necessarily have anything to do with true worship, but I've found with a guitar in hand and my kids waiting for a leader God puts a magnifying glass on my heart.
And I cannot do it until I'm dead first. Until I've surrendered it all before His throne, I'm not free to sing, or strum or lead. Because it's not me leading anything, it's Him.

It was an ugly, precious process. One night after, in a conflict with my worship partner and buckling under pressure, I fled to the roof. And cried out to God. He freed me to talk to Him as never before, and then I dared to ask "what to you like about me?" I would not make it up, I ached for his affirmation. "just one thing" i begged. But all I got was silence... and then "hold on, trust me".
It took all my strength to confess my anger to my friend. Then even more to forgive. There was still deep hurt, attacked by silence and insecurity and guilt. the lie that I cannot worship.. and my past, the very opposite of true worship to Jesus.
Finally my friend said, "God saying you ARE a true worshiper and that's why you should lead worship."
Wow. His word... that one answer to my question: what do you like about me? I could NEVER have imagined an answer like that. I couldn't accept it at first. and if I couldn't receive His word to me, that I AM His true worshiper, I would die. and I really felt that. Because He spoke truth, So to not walk into that truth would be to chose a lie, which is death. there is no middle ground with God. So my friend prayed with me, and I was totally released!

At the Global Youth Outreach a leader suddenly layed his hands on me to pray. "As deep calls to deep.... you will worship Him in Spirit and Truth." I bawled.

He DOES hear the cries of my heart.

New Chapter

WISE is over. and I can't believe some people I've been living with for 9 months are now gone.

But the adventure is just beginning. I'm excited for life. God really is all about relationships... when I do things alone, life drags. Not physically alone, there's over 100 people on base at the moment, but alone in spirit.
Jesus told us to be one in him, loving one another deeply. And finally I'm seeing that again, as my brothers and sisters leave in the way we honor and serve each other, and suddenly what's been dull shades for weeks is vibrant again.

you can never love too much.

We visited the kids in the orphanage for the last time... and on the drive home just cried and prayed.
Holding innocent children, trapped in a disabled body, blows my mind. I'm confronted with a deeper reality. One that's more intense than I understand. I want God to take me there... train me bit by bit to enter the dark and twisted places. I know I don't have to search for it. I just keep my eyes on Him... fall deeply in love with Jesus, and let him transform me to his reality. Then he'll bring me what I can handle. More and more to see His Kingdom come.

We leave to Mexico City this wednesday. So I'm off to the roof to practice worship! God will do a miracle if I can learn in one week!!

Promise of God

I had no idea what we were doing.

That basically sums up my YWAM experience. A pastor had invited us to his pueblo an hour away. It appeared to be a church service in the central plaza. Earlier Megan had prayed boldness for me, so now I´d better put that into action.

I volunteered to share my testimony. How God´s redeeming every area of my life. Deeper and deeper. How one day on my knees asking "God, how are you going to redeem cutting myself?" And He told me, "I´m going to give you healing hands. You use to destroy and hate with your hands, now you will heal and love."

A year ago I never imagined I´d be up in front of a crowd.. telling them God told me I was going to heal people. But that´s Jesus for you.

After the service Chad called any sick, hurting, sore thumbed person up to the front to get healed. I saw a girl sitting on the side. She had a wrist arm cast. And she wasn´t comming down. I went to her and asked, "do you want your arm healed? come!" Shyly she got up and followed me. I couldn´t understand exactly what happened in spanish, but she couldn´t even move her fingers without pain. It´d been like this for two weeks.
I prayed. Comanded the pain to be gone in Jesus name, and the bones and muscles be perfect in Jesus name. I asked if she felt anything. Wow, the look on her face! Yup, something was happening. She couldn´t describe it, but she said she felt something in her arm, and the pain decreased. So I prayed again. She began to move all her fingers... then her whole wrist. The pain was totally gone! I think I was more suprised than she was! I asked her like 10 times if she was serious. And she kept moving her arm around and around, saying it was totally fine! AH!

This is walking in the promise of God. Jesus redeemed me so I can live life to the full right here, right now. In everything.

Healing

Week eight.
God is reawakening my heart to His Kingdom.

I used to think, "Wow it'd be great to witness a miracle one day.... see someone healed." But I had doubts... and those grow when you pray and pray for sick friends and NOTHING happens. Like, "God if you're so powerful and good why don't you just HEAL them! Or do you even want to?"

But more and more as I look at Jesus, He's transforming my mind.

Is it God's will to heal? All the time? YES. Jesus healed EVERYONE who came to him. But He never prayed for people. He never said "ooh God.. please just make them better, please." No, he COMANDED. He said, "Be well." He knew his authority. It's the same authority he gave to his disciples. And he gave to us. And then he comanded US to go heal the sick, raise the dead, cast out demons.

So I'm thinking, if Jesus told me to do it, I better do it. Plus He's personally given me promises about healing. Two from other people and one from himself. My response? GOD I WANT TO SEE YOUR KINGDOM!

So we're in church. Our speaker just finished and calls students up to the front to pray for people. A lady comes up to me with stomache and back pain. I put my hands on her and command the pain to leave in Jesus name. Pray a little more... then the clincher, the part where you ask "How do you feel now??" She smiles and says it's all gone. What? I'm a little increduous. I've only seen God move supernaturally in healing ONE time before. And it wasn't just me praying. But she confirmed she did indeed feel no more pain. Awesome! Thank you Jesus!
I moved on to pray for another lady's hurting knees with my friend Chris. Nothing was happening. Chris felt she should go walk around then come back. I thought she looked anoyed walking away. But ten minutes she came back and said she was totally better!!
After church, I was pumped. If I saw a person with a crutch or whatever on the street I was like BOOM! Can I pray for you???? And nothing happened...

One of our students, Alan, was reeeally sick. So after class we pulled him outta bed to pray for healing. He looked horrible... stumbled in, no strength, aching muscles and head, hot eyes. Honestly, my faith was weak. We prayed once. Nothing. Now my faith was gone. But we prayed again. He said his headache was gone. Cool! But he still had no strength and his body hurt all over. So we kept praying, this time with more courage. By the fourth time he stood up, checking his musles all over saying, "I'm fine! Totally fine. Weird. Yeah, I feel perfect." Thank you Jesus!

So once again out on the street I prayed for everyone I saw. Nothing, nothing, nothing, though they were all surprisingly greatful and enthusastic. Except one tourist. She wouldn't let me pray.

Back on base my friend Tasha told me her hip was bothering her. She tweaked it, and it hurt to move. So I just comanded healing in Jesus name super quick. She said it felt a little better, but nothing major. Then later that night, she came up to me and said it felt totally fine! No pain!

I don't have this healing thing figured out. At all. But Jesus told us to pray "May your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth JUST AS IT IS IN HEAVEN." And there's no sickness in heaven. So there should be no sickness here. Jesus didn't just die to get us a free ticket to heaven. No, he died so that Heaven would come in our hearts, and be released NOW.

So I'm going to keep taking steps of faith and praying for healing. I know I need tenacity. Heider Baker prayed for 1,000 blind people before her first healing. And now nearly every single blind person she prays for is healed. So am I willing to do that?

Keep me acountable. Message me and ask me. Am I praying for people? Have I see more healing?

May Your Kingdom come. Heck yeah.

ONE THING

So tired... my eyes are burning. I´d rather crawl into bed, wake up in the morning, crawl up to the roof and sit vegetable like with Jesus. But if I neglect this blog a day longer, I may never return.

So. Week six and seven of WISE.
My DNA is changing. After reconciling a friendship one night, a group of us headed out to Dairy Queen in the golden zone. Before we could get a taxi, a guy ran up to us at an intersection, shouting. I usually ignore men shouting at me. But my friend shook his hand.
He asked if we were Christians, and as we confirmed that yes indeed we followed Jesus, he broke down, and for ten minutes begged us to help him. A member of the cartel, branded, addicted to drugs, he had scars up and down his arms from trying to cut his veins, and doing herione. Had a gun at home, ready to kill himself, but he knew God was real. And over and over he implored us that he wanted to change, but needed someone to tell him the word of God.
Hah, it took a minute for us to convince him we wanted to help! So as I translated for Chirs, two girls ran back to the base for a Bible to give him. For 45 minutes we shared, prayed, and battled through crap with him. He accepted Jesus, recieved forgiveness for killing a man, forgave his Father for abusing and raping him. So increadible. Especially how our little group worked key rolls.
By the end, he took another ten minutes thanking us profusly, smiling with the joy of God. We never did get to Dairy Queen.

The past week our school went up to the mountains. First two days of leading prophetic worship and evangelism with the church in Durango. After that... climbing rocks and trees and cliffs, and chasing ice cold waterfalls. Silence and solitude with God.

Despite this beauty, I fell apart on the last night. I forget why I exsist sometimes. Freak out about my future, when I don´t see it through the Word of God and His love. Where do I go... what do I do... who will be there for me... But how easily I forget IT´S NOT ABOUT ME.
Jesus said, 'pick up your daily cross. deny yourself. follow me. seek the kingdom above all else, and i´ll give you what you need.'
So LOCATION is irrelevant. I should go, and do whatever will make me more like Him. And sometiems I get so caught up on not hearing His direction super clear, but He told me 'I´m waiting to see what you´re going to do.' This hit me so hard. Cause I´m indecisive. Yet the God of the universe takes the most delight in me, when I´m feeling blind, yet choose to go after Him anyway.
Life is a billion decisions every single day. So to safe guard us, God challenges us to set our heart on ONE THING. For Solomon it was the wisdom and knowledge of the Lord, for David it was God´s presence.
And for me? The ONE THING I´m setting my heart on? To seek in all I do? The Glory of God. To not run away, but break through the veil into the holy of holies. And up in the mountains God told me...

'look around. this earth and universe I´ve made is FILLED with my glory. Yet it´s NOTHING compared to the glory I´ve placed in you'

Hamburger Ministry

Week Four and Five of WISE school. Flying past like a wirlwind.

After a crazy Sunday afternoon, I ran downtown to tell my beggar girls I couldn´t teach them today. Coming to the corner of a busy intersection, I saw a giant pair of legs and a butt sticking out. Some homeless person passed out on the sidewalk.
´Okay,´ I thoguht. ´If this is a dude, I´m not talking to him.´ But as I stepped over the legs, I realized she was a woman.
I dropped to my hands and knees, ´Como te llamas preciosa?´ (What´s your name precious?)
She started mumbing, and held out her dirty hand for money. I took her hand and told her I wanted to TALK with her. Once she finally got the picture, she sat up, geting more excited. I had $20 pesos, so she took me to Burger King down the block. bottle of liquor, wine, plastic bags and everything. She wanted a hamburger. But after running back and forth from the register a few times, I realized Burger King is freaking overpriced. The ONLY thing I could buy for $20 pesos were four pinky sized chiken fries.
So we nibbled on that, talked, she kept offering me her alcohol. Going on about ´eating the bread and drinking the wine´ like what Jesus said about eating and drinking his body at the last super. Crazy excuse to be an alcoholic. But I told her that in eating and drinking Jesus, he wasn´t talking about PHYSICAL things. but being INTIMATE with him. cause he created her, and loves her, and wants her. but it´s a decision. Those words really had her, she didn´t say anything. Just stared with big eyes.
We needed to leave. The beggar girls I knew were staring at us through the window and I had to get back for dinner prep. But before we went our seperate ways I asked if I could pray for her. And as soon as I started, a man walked out of Burger King, didn´t say a word. and handed her a hamburger.

God is freaking awesome.

the Practice of Doing Nothing

Woah, wrestling with God again!

After Spiritual Warfare week, we had a morning of deliverance. Cough up those demons! haha, but seriously there is ALWAYS more freedom in Christ. Spirits of shame, lust, and self-condemnation, all damned to hell.
But the key here is WALKING IN FREEDOM.
So as we were taxing back from Wal-mart I felt that self-pity, condemnation tempting me back. But instead I turn to God, "what you teaching me here?"
He told me I'd gone waaay off track with ministering to the beggars. I was running around with my head cut off trying to buy them 'stuff', like a leg brace (which is awesome, don't get me wrong) but I was doing it out of God's direction. Not trusting him, getting upset when I couldn't find anything. And ultimately taking time away from visiting them.
So He told me, "You spending your time WITH them, is MORE valuable than anything you can buy"
Wow. I got Rachael to pray with me, cast out condemnation, and invited the Holy Spirit back. His love is so awesome when you receive it in kid like trust, I just started laughing uncontrollably.

Then, the next day, I visited Patrocinia (a beggar) she let her two daughters come to the YWAM base with me! Finally, after a month! I gave them a short english lesson, then we went to play at the beach, cause they'd NEVER been to the ocean!! I could NOT believe that! They live in Mazatlan!
But it was so amazing. And their Mom's smile when I walked them back downtown. Oooh priceless. So Jesus is moving, and I'm just along for the ride, haha.

Treasure Hunt 101

Week Two. Intercession.

it's the revelation that EVERYthing I do can be a living act of intercession. Not just prayer. it's bridging the gap between God and man. Bringing God's influence to earth. That's some better motivation for cooking dinner.

So then.. evangelizing is bridging the gap. Literally.
We played treasure hunt again. (mentioned in my previous post) I was determined to be open this time. Seriously, I have the mind of Christ so his thoughts are my thoughts. He IS speaking to me, and I CAN hear Him. We prayed for clues... couldn't get the name "Eduardo" outta my head so I wrote that down along with carrot and yellow plastic bag. I just laughed when I got carrot. But you never know.

My group went to the cathedral. Zorena found the man that matched her clues. Tony got white shirt, cap, and pain in leg. So he started talking to a guy with a white shirt and cap selling bird food. Turns out he had leg pain, AND his name was Eduardo! AH! I showed him what I wrote down, that God gave me his name.

Rachael still hadn't found her person. God had given her picture of a younger white guy, long sandy brown hair, scruffy pirate looking. We ran around the market...nothing. So we stopped to pray again, that God would bring this guy. Then Rachael looked up, "Hey that looks like him..." A group of tourists walked past us, with a scruffy guy, lots of piercings and huge gauges. "Except his hair is dark..." The guy passed us. I said we should just ask if he used to have lighter hair. So we ran after this guy, asked him about his hair. He said yes, but 8 YEARS ago, I got discouraged and thanked him. He left. I didn't know what else to do. Rachael said while we were talking God gave her a word for him. "So... do we run after him again?" But he was no where in sight.
On our way back to the car, Rachael randomly decided she wanted ice cream. So we stopped in Burger King, sat down with our cones. Kept glancing out the window for that guy. We prayed quick; Rachael mentioned it'd be awesome if God just brought him right into Burger King.
A tourist couple next to us was feeding their baby a banana. Rachael had "banana" on her treasure map, so staying obedient to God she went to talk to them. A minute later I looked up. No freaking way. That guy was RIGHT next to my table! Standing in line with his friends. I got up, and taped Rachael on the shoulder. "Dude. Look, he's here. We gotta talk to him! It's totally from God!"
Rachael was a little nervous, but seriously God brought him RIGHT to us. So I walked over, shook his hand. His name is Scott. He asked us why we were searching for a guy that looked like him. So we explained what we were doing, that God gave us a picture of what he looked like. And we weren't doing this just to mess around and meet strangers, but God gives us words and picture because people are on his heart. that HE is on God's heart. So Rachael told Scott the word God gave her, about him being valued. I asked if this was weird for creepy for him. Yup, he was creeped out. Didn't believe in God. I could tell he was nervous, and then his friend came and took him away.

So now we're interceding, in prayer form, that God will grow the seed we planted in Scott's life. Ah! It's so exciting! I wish I could watch it all!

And so IT Begins

[I wrote this last week]

God is fulfilling my desires. But more importantly I'm fulfilling His! Ooo... that's a spine shiver, to delight and fulfill the dream of God.

Class Week One. Worship.
Our teacher encouraged us to share anything on the spot that God is speaking. And people prophesied over me! Visions and words that touched me so deeply, where I've been struggling with God. Ah! He just knows... I love it!
For listen-to-the-Spirit-and-do-what-he-says day, our group ended up downtown in the Cathedral. Zane suggested we play treasure hunt, where we all pray and get clues for a person to talk to. I suck at this game. Because I never get anything. I shouldn't speak that out, but that's what I feel like. So we prayed. Got some clues. I didn't get anything, but never the less we set out. Walked past a girl on a bench. Made eye contact with her and she slightly returned my smile. Five steps later I was like, "Guys...I gotta go back and talk to that girl." Carmen felt the same thing.
I've realized, that though I used to hate evangelism, I have an evangelist's heart. A heart for the lost. The girl's name was Rubi and she's 16, married, pregnant, and once I knew that I also knew she didn't have a father figure. I was right, no dad. So we spoke into her life, about God as her Father, but also her Lover. How He wants to be with her sooo much that He died for her. And she received Jesus!!!

Another afternoon we were taking care of some business downtown. Lots of beggars were out... But I didn't feel like talking to anybody... Finally, while
waiting for a friend I thought, "Screw this. I'm gonna go talk to that lady I saw. I dunno WHAT I'm gonna say, but I have to be obedient to God."
Haha, Jesus is so kind to me. All I did was ask the lady's name, and then SHE started asking ME questions! We listened to her story, then my Mexican friend came, and we prayed for healing in her ankle. She knows God can heal, because her relative's broken arm was miraculously healed through prayer. We visited her again, giving her some food and clothes and bubbles and a Bible. Her daughter can read and write, so I gave her a journal too. I want her to know her story is important, her thoughts and what God is speaking to her. The lady told us that because we prayed she slept better that night. So she wants us to keep coming and talking to her about God and praying for healing. Ah!! MORE LORD, MORE!!

And through all of this I get to practice my Spanish like crazy. I even was translating in class one morning. More and more God is revealing to me
I am exactly where He wants me to be.

Freedom 101

"Hablamos de amor, gozo, paz, justicia en el espiritu santo"

I almost didn't go evangelizing... I was sitting out on the patio, under a thick heaviness, thinking if I feel like this, there's no way I can go tell people about the freedom and joy in Christ. I was wrestling with God, but under all that heavy pain, I could still feel that joyous freedom! and God told me, that no matter what I feel like or go through, nothing can EVER steal His freedom and joy from me. So I set my will to that truth, got up, and went to the plaza.

Wow. We invited the HOly Spirit as we walked, full of joy. AT the plaza we asked God what to do, and after holding hands and laughing and dancing for like 20 minutes I swear, we finally decided to break up into two groups.
Zane, Tasha and I climbed up the rock stairs overlooking the ocean and worshiped. A guy came up. Skinny with dirty clothes. He offered us all a puff of his cigarette, and I felt a little bad none of us smoked to accept the gesture.
We asked him some questions, and if he knew Jesus. Zane felt like he had a son, but the guy denied it, and started going off about his work, how difficult it was. He talked so fast! I honestly didn't understand anything. But after a few minutes, it dawned on me. This guy had a mental disorder. "Do you know that Jesus can give you complete freedom in your mind?" He was shocked into silence. I explained to him the entire gospel, and power Jesus has to bring freedom because he died for us, defeated death and came back to life. So he can give full life. The guy started protesting saying how he can't, how he has a son but nobody understands him. I told him none of us have can do it by ourselves, cause we're human, it's impossible. But Jesus can give him freedom right now. As soon as I told him we can pray right now, and if he wanted to receive God's freedom. He said no, later. Maybe another time. and tried shaking my hand to leave. I asked him why not now, that he is precious to God, and Jesus wants to give him life NOW. But he ketp saying no, that he wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow, and got up to run down the stairs.
"Zane, Tasha! Come here now, we gotta pray for this guy!" But he was already down the stairs. I seriously almost ran after him, but Zane reminded me he has to come on his own free will. We interceded for him, trusting that God's words do not return void.

It's just so crazy how a person's spirit KNOWS. that guy KNEW. he came face to face with a Love that penetrates lies, and he turned and ran. But God's not giving up on him.

Puzzle Pieces

my Loving Father is definitely challenged my trust.

By the third day of WISE school orientation, I was in tears of anxiety. No joke. Yes, I'm excited for this school to be intense, but between that and having other passions and plans for being in Mexico and keeping in touch with my family and friends back home... I felt scattered. A fragmented life with so many people, experiences, tasks, demands, events.
How do you even begin to keep that together? Answer:

God said, TRUST ME. And now He's speaking about two key principles.
1. Living in His presence at all times is my ONLY concern. Through that His love binds all things together in perfect harmony.
2. Time-management. Oooh yes, thank you Jesus. Doesn't sound spiritual, but Harmony (our school leader) told us managing our time is SO spiritual and crucial. There is so much warfare over our time, and truly every moment I have is a gift from God to be governed by Him.
God gave us a Spirit of power, love, and SELF-DISCIPLINE. I never got that before.. like yeah power and love rock on. but self-discipline??? that doesn't sound exciting. But this is who the Holy Spirit is. So if I let Him govern my time, the schedule will serve me, instead of me serving the schedule.

Can I get an amen and hallelujah.

wake up call

I nearly imploded from sheer joy and happiness.

And shocked, cause that isn't usually the case. Every year I try to avoid easter. I forget it, I criticize it, I grunt at it. Feeling cynical at another "He has risen indeed" holiday complete with candy and bunnies? what? does anyone have heart revelation about what that all MEANS?
hah, I didn't! this was INCREADIBLE. Jumping up and down in a little mexican church filled with dancing, and tambourines, and ribbins, and some sweet drum beats. Like a party in heaven cause Jesus just frickin OBLITERATED THE POWERS OF HELL!!!
Jesus rising from the dead had never hit me in a profound way. Him choosing to DIE for me...that gets me on the floor crying. But hellooo, that's not the END! not even close!
And I think I'm finally at a place to really gaze into the wonder of Him coming back to LIFE, cause of all the ways he's given me life these past seven months. REAL ABUNDANT LIFE. and it's all for joy he endured suffering as a human, dying, and going to hell. why joy?? cause he KNEW in the end He'd smash the powers of death and return to LIFE. to set US free!
That's joy.
That's nothing to just be talked about, or kinda sung about. That's something profound to be LIVED, and EXPERIENCED and SHARED.
Good news right? oh my goodness.
Thank you Holy Spirit for this revelation. I can't believe I made it to 19 without really understanding the joy of "Jesus Alive". I think I need to wake up with that thought more often. Definitely will get you outta bed.

Return to the Pacific

I'm back.

I didn't realize how much I missed Mexico until the warm breeze swallowed me, the sun a golden torch spilling across Mazatlan. Wow! Those two weeks in the States gave me a fresh perspective! I seriously felt romanced driving into the city. I didn't even mind the rude boys hanging off our car window at a traffic light, trying to get a hook up with some "gringas" (white chics).
And the YWAM base! Like reuniting with the biggest family I've known. I don't care if the toilets still take two minutes to flush, this place is home and it ROCKS!

Right now we're having a camp for the youth groups in the city, so the base is alive with activity. Because of the recent violence and killings due to drug trafficking we want to teach the kids how to wage war. And that's why I bought 4,000 paint balls!! Take some drug lords down!! mwaha!
No. This isn't a physical war, but a spiritual one. Against the greed and darkness that kills a mans soul. But we have authority in Jesus to give God legal permission to move on the earth, cast out evil, bring His Kingdom, and change the hearts of men. (This is why I'm excited for WISE school!!)
So yesterday we climbed an island to intercede for the city. At first I didn't think the local youth would buy it...standing in the hot sun, sweaty and hungry, screaming into the air, casting out evil and declaring purity, peace, righteousness. I had asked God before to really move in their lives in these couple of days, so when we got together to share, WOW yeah, He was speaking to them. With visions, scripture, and words of wisdom. Deep stuff... These kids are open to the Holy Spirit, and if they continue I know God will use them to transform Mazatlan.

And Mexico.

And the nations.

Wrestling in the Desert

Last day of visiting home.

In the middle of my two-week desert-trip back to Wisconsin, while washing the dishing and worshiping, I broke down feeling like an utter failure. As we know feelings never give the complete picture. So I went before God, bearing my heart, bawling like baby.
Yes, cool things had happened. Yes, God HAD moved threw me to impact people. But God specializes in using losers, it's no impressive feat to Him. So that wasn't it...

No, I felt like a failure because I intended these two desert weeks to really seek out God, intercede for my friends, not moving on until He told me to move on, just being intimate with Christ. But instead I was letting myself be distracted as heck, barely spending time with God, not really getting his leading.
That's when I finally threw away the cigars I had just bought. Not because smoking is a sin, or throwing them out would magically fix things. But every time I'd light up for a quick buzz, the Holy Spirit would remind me of this verse.

"Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit." ephesians 5:18

Filled with HIM. I want the maximum of me to be filled by Him. Nothing else. In that time God also spoke to me about vulnerability. Because I was NOT feeling strong. But He told me, "It's not how strong you are in Me, it's how strong I AM in you." And the question that immediately followed, "So how much of Me are you letting in? How deep are you letting Me go?"
That's the paradox of vulnerability. Let your defenses down, and He'll come in and make you a fortress no army can destroy. It's beautiful. Really hard, and really beautiful.