So tired... my eyes are burning. I´d rather crawl into bed, wake up in the morning, crawl up to the roof and sit vegetable like with Jesus. But if I neglect this blog a day longer, I may never return.
So. Week six and seven of WISE.
My DNA is changing. After reconciling a friendship one night, a group of us headed out to Dairy Queen in the golden zone. Before we could get a taxi, a guy ran up to us at an intersection, shouting. I usually ignore men shouting at me. But my friend shook his hand.
He asked if we were Christians, and as we confirmed that yes indeed we followed Jesus, he broke down, and for ten minutes begged us to help him. A member of the cartel, branded, addicted to drugs, he had scars up and down his arms from trying to cut his veins, and doing herione. Had a gun at home, ready to kill himself, but he knew God was real. And over and over he implored us that he wanted to change, but needed someone to tell him the word of God.
Hah, it took a minute for us to convince him we wanted to help! So as I translated for Chirs, two girls ran back to the base for a Bible to give him. For 45 minutes we shared, prayed, and battled through crap with him. He accepted Jesus, recieved forgiveness for killing a man, forgave his Father for abusing and raping him. So increadible. Especially how our little group worked key rolls.
By the end, he took another ten minutes thanking us profusly, smiling with the joy of God. We never did get to Dairy Queen.
The past week our school went up to the mountains. First two days of leading prophetic worship and evangelism with the church in Durango. After that... climbing rocks and trees and cliffs, and chasing ice cold waterfalls. Silence and solitude with God.
Despite this beauty, I fell apart on the last night. I forget why I exsist sometimes. Freak out about my future, when I don´t see it through the Word of God and His love. Where do I go... what do I do... who will be there for me... But how easily I forget IT´S NOT ABOUT ME.
Jesus said, 'pick up your daily cross. deny yourself. follow me. seek the kingdom above all else, and i´ll give you what you need.'
So LOCATION is irrelevant. I should go, and do whatever will make me more like Him. And sometiems I get so caught up on not hearing His direction super clear, but He told me 'I´m waiting to see what you´re going to do.' This hit me so hard. Cause I´m indecisive. Yet the God of the universe takes the most delight in me, when I´m feeling blind, yet choose to go after Him anyway.
Life is a billion decisions every single day. So to safe guard us, God challenges us to set our heart on ONE THING. For Solomon it was the wisdom and knowledge of the Lord, for David it was God´s presence.
And for me? The ONE THING I´m setting my heart on? To seek in all I do? The Glory of God. To not run away, but break through the veil into the holy of holies. And up in the mountains God told me...
'look around. this earth and universe I´ve made is FILLED with my glory. Yet it´s NOTHING compared to the glory I´ve placed in you'
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Hamburger Ministry
Week Four and Five of WISE school. Flying past like a wirlwind.
After a crazy Sunday afternoon, I ran downtown to tell my beggar girls I couldn´t teach them today. Coming to the corner of a busy intersection, I saw a giant pair of legs and a butt sticking out. Some homeless person passed out on the sidewalk.
´Okay,´ I thoguht. ´If this is a dude, I´m not talking to him.´ But as I stepped over the legs, I realized she was a woman.
I dropped to my hands and knees, ´Como te llamas preciosa?´ (What´s your name precious?)
She started mumbing, and held out her dirty hand for money. I took her hand and told her I wanted to TALK with her. Once she finally got the picture, she sat up, geting more excited. I had $20 pesos, so she took me to Burger King down the block. bottle of liquor, wine, plastic bags and everything. She wanted a hamburger. But after running back and forth from the register a few times, I realized Burger King is freaking overpriced. The ONLY thing I could buy for $20 pesos were four pinky sized chiken fries.
So we nibbled on that, talked, she kept offering me her alcohol. Going on about ´eating the bread and drinking the wine´ like what Jesus said about eating and drinking his body at the last super. Crazy excuse to be an alcoholic. But I told her that in eating and drinking Jesus, he wasn´t talking about PHYSICAL things. but being INTIMATE with him. cause he created her, and loves her, and wants her. but it´s a decision. Those words really had her, she didn´t say anything. Just stared with big eyes.
We needed to leave. The beggar girls I knew were staring at us through the window and I had to get back for dinner prep. But before we went our seperate ways I asked if I could pray for her. And as soon as I started, a man walked out of Burger King, didn´t say a word. and handed her a hamburger.
God is freaking awesome.
After a crazy Sunday afternoon, I ran downtown to tell my beggar girls I couldn´t teach them today. Coming to the corner of a busy intersection, I saw a giant pair of legs and a butt sticking out. Some homeless person passed out on the sidewalk.
´Okay,´ I thoguht. ´If this is a dude, I´m not talking to him.´ But as I stepped over the legs, I realized she was a woman.
I dropped to my hands and knees, ´Como te llamas preciosa?´ (What´s your name precious?)
She started mumbing, and held out her dirty hand for money. I took her hand and told her I wanted to TALK with her. Once she finally got the picture, she sat up, geting more excited. I had $20 pesos, so she took me to Burger King down the block. bottle of liquor, wine, plastic bags and everything. She wanted a hamburger. But after running back and forth from the register a few times, I realized Burger King is freaking overpriced. The ONLY thing I could buy for $20 pesos were four pinky sized chiken fries.
So we nibbled on that, talked, she kept offering me her alcohol. Going on about ´eating the bread and drinking the wine´ like what Jesus said about eating and drinking his body at the last super. Crazy excuse to be an alcoholic. But I told her that in eating and drinking Jesus, he wasn´t talking about PHYSICAL things. but being INTIMATE with him. cause he created her, and loves her, and wants her. but it´s a decision. Those words really had her, she didn´t say anything. Just stared with big eyes.
We needed to leave. The beggar girls I knew were staring at us through the window and I had to get back for dinner prep. But before we went our seperate ways I asked if I could pray for her. And as soon as I started, a man walked out of Burger King, didn´t say a word. and handed her a hamburger.
God is freaking awesome.
Monday, May 3, 2010
the Practice of Doing Nothing
Woah, wrestling with God again!
After Spiritual Warfare week, we had a morning of deliverance. Cough up those demons! haha, but seriously there is ALWAYS more freedom in Christ. Spirits of shame, lust, and self-condemnation, all damned to hell.
But the key here is WALKING IN FREEDOM.
So as we were taxing back from Wal-mart I felt that self-pity, condemnation tempting me back. But instead I turn to God, "what you teaching me here?"
He told me I'd gone waaay off track with ministering to the beggars. I was running around with my head cut off trying to buy them 'stuff', like a leg brace (which is awesome, don't get me wrong) but I was doing it out of God's direction. Not trusting him, getting upset when I couldn't find anything. And ultimately taking time away from visiting them.
So He told me, "You spending your time WITH them, is MORE valuable than anything you can buy"
Wow. I got Rachael to pray with me, cast out condemnation, and invited the Holy Spirit back. His love is so awesome when you receive it in kid like trust, I just started laughing uncontrollably.
Then, the next day, I visited Patrocinia (a beggar) she let her two daughters come to the YWAM base with me! Finally, after a month! I gave them a short english lesson, then we went to play at the beach, cause they'd NEVER been to the ocean!! I could NOT believe that! They live in Mazatlan!
But it was so amazing. And their Mom's smile when I walked them back downtown. Oooh priceless. So Jesus is moving, and I'm just along for the ride, haha.
After Spiritual Warfare week, we had a morning of deliverance. Cough up those demons! haha, but seriously there is ALWAYS more freedom in Christ. Spirits of shame, lust, and self-condemnation, all damned to hell.
But the key here is WALKING IN FREEDOM.
So as we were taxing back from Wal-mart I felt that self-pity, condemnation tempting me back. But instead I turn to God, "what you teaching me here?"
He told me I'd gone waaay off track with ministering to the beggars. I was running around with my head cut off trying to buy them 'stuff', like a leg brace (which is awesome, don't get me wrong) but I was doing it out of God's direction. Not trusting him, getting upset when I couldn't find anything. And ultimately taking time away from visiting them.
So He told me, "You spending your time WITH them, is MORE valuable than anything you can buy"
Wow. I got Rachael to pray with me, cast out condemnation, and invited the Holy Spirit back. His love is so awesome when you receive it in kid like trust, I just started laughing uncontrollably.
Then, the next day, I visited Patrocinia (a beggar) she let her two daughters come to the YWAM base with me! Finally, after a month! I gave them a short english lesson, then we went to play at the beach, cause they'd NEVER been to the ocean!! I could NOT believe that! They live in Mazatlan!
But it was so amazing. And their Mom's smile when I walked them back downtown. Oooh priceless. So Jesus is moving, and I'm just along for the ride, haha.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Treasure Hunt 101
Week Two. Intercession.
it's the revelation that EVERYthing I do can be a living act of intercession. Not just prayer. it's bridging the gap between God and man. Bringing God's influence to earth. That's some better motivation for cooking dinner.
So then.. evangelizing is bridging the gap. Literally.
We played treasure hunt again. (mentioned in my previous post) I was determined to be open this time. Seriously, I have the mind of Christ so his thoughts are my thoughts. He IS speaking to me, and I CAN hear Him. We prayed for clues... couldn't get the name "Eduardo" outta my head so I wrote that down along with carrot and yellow plastic bag. I just laughed when I got carrot. But you never know.
My group went to the cathedral. Zorena found the man that matched her clues. Tony got white shirt, cap, and pain in leg. So he started talking to a guy with a white shirt and cap selling bird food. Turns out he had leg pain, AND his name was Eduardo! AH! I showed him what I wrote down, that God gave me his name.
Rachael still hadn't found her person. God had given her picture of a younger white guy, long sandy brown hair, scruffy pirate looking. We ran around the market...nothing. So we stopped to pray again, that God would bring this guy. Then Rachael looked up, "Hey that looks like him..." A group of tourists walked past us, with a scruffy guy, lots of piercings and huge gauges. "Except his hair is dark..." The guy passed us. I said we should just ask if he used to have lighter hair. So we ran after this guy, asked him about his hair. He said yes, but 8 YEARS ago, I got discouraged and thanked him. He left. I didn't know what else to do. Rachael said while we were talking God gave her a word for him. "So... do we run after him again?" But he was no where in sight.
On our way back to the car, Rachael randomly decided she wanted ice cream. So we stopped in Burger King, sat down with our cones. Kept glancing out the window for that guy. We prayed quick; Rachael mentioned it'd be awesome if God just brought him right into Burger King.
A tourist couple next to us was feeding their baby a banana. Rachael had "banana" on her treasure map, so staying obedient to God she went to talk to them. A minute later I looked up. No freaking way. That guy was RIGHT next to my table! Standing in line with his friends. I got up, and taped Rachael on the shoulder. "Dude. Look, he's here. We gotta talk to him! It's totally from God!"
Rachael was a little nervous, but seriously God brought him RIGHT to us. So I walked over, shook his hand. His name is Scott. He asked us why we were searching for a guy that looked like him. So we explained what we were doing, that God gave us a picture of what he looked like. And we weren't doing this just to mess around and meet strangers, but God gives us words and picture because people are on his heart. that HE is on God's heart. So Rachael told Scott the word God gave her, about him being valued. I asked if this was weird for creepy for him. Yup, he was creeped out. Didn't believe in God. I could tell he was nervous, and then his friend came and took him away.
So now we're interceding, in prayer form, that God will grow the seed we planted in Scott's life. Ah! It's so exciting! I wish I could watch it all!
it's the revelation that EVERYthing I do can be a living act of intercession. Not just prayer. it's bridging the gap between God and man. Bringing God's influence to earth. That's some better motivation for cooking dinner.
So then.. evangelizing is bridging the gap. Literally.
We played treasure hunt again. (mentioned in my previous post) I was determined to be open this time. Seriously, I have the mind of Christ so his thoughts are my thoughts. He IS speaking to me, and I CAN hear Him. We prayed for clues... couldn't get the name "Eduardo" outta my head so I wrote that down along with carrot and yellow plastic bag. I just laughed when I got carrot. But you never know.
My group went to the cathedral. Zorena found the man that matched her clues. Tony got white shirt, cap, and pain in leg. So he started talking to a guy with a white shirt and cap selling bird food. Turns out he had leg pain, AND his name was Eduardo! AH! I showed him what I wrote down, that God gave me his name.
Rachael still hadn't found her person. God had given her picture of a younger white guy, long sandy brown hair, scruffy pirate looking. We ran around the market...nothing. So we stopped to pray again, that God would bring this guy. Then Rachael looked up, "Hey that looks like him..." A group of tourists walked past us, with a scruffy guy, lots of piercings and huge gauges. "Except his hair is dark..." The guy passed us. I said we should just ask if he used to have lighter hair. So we ran after this guy, asked him about his hair. He said yes, but 8 YEARS ago, I got discouraged and thanked him. He left. I didn't know what else to do. Rachael said while we were talking God gave her a word for him. "So... do we run after him again?" But he was no where in sight.
On our way back to the car, Rachael randomly decided she wanted ice cream. So we stopped in Burger King, sat down with our cones. Kept glancing out the window for that guy. We prayed quick; Rachael mentioned it'd be awesome if God just brought him right into Burger King.
A tourist couple next to us was feeding their baby a banana. Rachael had "banana" on her treasure map, so staying obedient to God she went to talk to them. A minute later I looked up. No freaking way. That guy was RIGHT next to my table! Standing in line with his friends. I got up, and taped Rachael on the shoulder. "Dude. Look, he's here. We gotta talk to him! It's totally from God!"
Rachael was a little nervous, but seriously God brought him RIGHT to us. So I walked over, shook his hand. His name is Scott. He asked us why we were searching for a guy that looked like him. So we explained what we were doing, that God gave us a picture of what he looked like. And we weren't doing this just to mess around and meet strangers, but God gives us words and picture because people are on his heart. that HE is on God's heart. So Rachael told Scott the word God gave her, about him being valued. I asked if this was weird for creepy for him. Yup, he was creeped out. Didn't believe in God. I could tell he was nervous, and then his friend came and took him away.
So now we're interceding, in prayer form, that God will grow the seed we planted in Scott's life. Ah! It's so exciting! I wish I could watch it all!
And so IT Begins
[I wrote this last week]
God is fulfilling my desires. But more importantly I'm fulfilling His! Ooo... that's a spine shiver, to delight and fulfill the dream of God.
Class Week One. Worship.
Our teacher encouraged us to share anything on the spot that God is speaking. And people prophesied over me! Visions and words that touched me so deeply, where I've been struggling with God. Ah! He just knows... I love it!
For listen-to-the-Spirit-and-do-what-he-says day, our group ended up downtown in the Cathedral. Zane suggested we play treasure hunt, where we all pray and get clues for a person to talk to. I suck at this game. Because I never get anything. I shouldn't speak that out, but that's what I feel like. So we prayed. Got some clues. I didn't get anything, but never the less we set out. Walked past a girl on a bench. Made eye contact with her and she slightly returned my smile. Five steps later I was like, "Guys...I gotta go back and talk to that girl." Carmen felt the same thing.
I've realized, that though I used to hate evangelism, I have an evangelist's heart. A heart for the lost. The girl's name was Rubi and she's 16, married, pregnant, and once I knew that I also knew she didn't have a father figure. I was right, no dad. So we spoke into her life, about God as her Father, but also her Lover. How He wants to be with her sooo much that He died for her. And she received Jesus!!!
Another afternoon we were taking care of some business downtown. Lots of beggars were out... But I didn't feel like talking to anybody... Finally, while
waiting for a friend I thought, "Screw this. I'm gonna go talk to that lady I saw. I dunno WHAT I'm gonna say, but I have to be obedient to God."
Haha, Jesus is so kind to me. All I did was ask the lady's name, and then SHE started asking ME questions! We listened to her story, then my Mexican friend came, and we prayed for healing in her ankle. She knows God can heal, because her relative's broken arm was miraculously healed through prayer. We visited her again, giving her some food and clothes and bubbles and a Bible. Her daughter can read and write, so I gave her a journal too. I want her to know her story is important, her thoughts and what God is speaking to her. The lady told us that because we prayed she slept better that night. So she wants us to keep coming and talking to her about God and praying for healing. Ah!! MORE LORD, MORE!!
And through all of this I get to practice my Spanish like crazy. I even was translating in class one morning. More and more God is revealing to me
I am exactly where He wants me to be.
God is fulfilling my desires. But more importantly I'm fulfilling His! Ooo... that's a spine shiver, to delight and fulfill the dream of God.
Class Week One. Worship.
Our teacher encouraged us to share anything on the spot that God is speaking. And people prophesied over me! Visions and words that touched me so deeply, where I've been struggling with God. Ah! He just knows... I love it!
For listen-to-the-Spirit-and-do-what-he-says day, our group ended up downtown in the Cathedral. Zane suggested we play treasure hunt, where we all pray and get clues for a person to talk to. I suck at this game. Because I never get anything. I shouldn't speak that out, but that's what I feel like. So we prayed. Got some clues. I didn't get anything, but never the less we set out. Walked past a girl on a bench. Made eye contact with her and she slightly returned my smile. Five steps later I was like, "Guys...I gotta go back and talk to that girl." Carmen felt the same thing.
I've realized, that though I used to hate evangelism, I have an evangelist's heart. A heart for the lost. The girl's name was Rubi and she's 16, married, pregnant, and once I knew that I also knew she didn't have a father figure. I was right, no dad. So we spoke into her life, about God as her Father, but also her Lover. How He wants to be with her sooo much that He died for her. And she received Jesus!!!
Another afternoon we were taking care of some business downtown. Lots of beggars were out... But I didn't feel like talking to anybody... Finally, while
waiting for a friend I thought, "Screw this. I'm gonna go talk to that lady I saw. I dunno WHAT I'm gonna say, but I have to be obedient to God."
Haha, Jesus is so kind to me. All I did was ask the lady's name, and then SHE started asking ME questions! We listened to her story, then my Mexican friend came, and we prayed for healing in her ankle. She knows God can heal, because her relative's broken arm was miraculously healed through prayer. We visited her again, giving her some food and clothes and bubbles and a Bible. Her daughter can read and write, so I gave her a journal too. I want her to know her story is important, her thoughts and what God is speaking to her. The lady told us that because we prayed she slept better that night. So she wants us to keep coming and talking to her about God and praying for healing. Ah!! MORE LORD, MORE!!
And through all of this I get to practice my Spanish like crazy. I even was translating in class one morning. More and more God is revealing to me
I am exactly where He wants me to be.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Freedom 101
"Hablamos de amor, gozo, paz, justicia en el espiritu santo"
I almost didn't go evangelizing... I was sitting out on the patio, under a thick heaviness, thinking if I feel like this, there's no way I can go tell people about the freedom and joy in Christ. I was wrestling with God, but under all that heavy pain, I could still feel that joyous freedom! and God told me, that no matter what I feel like or go through, nothing can EVER steal His freedom and joy from me. So I set my will to that truth, got up, and went to the plaza.
Wow. We invited the HOly Spirit as we walked, full of joy. AT the plaza we asked God what to do, and after holding hands and laughing and dancing for like 20 minutes I swear, we finally decided to break up into two groups.
Zane, Tasha and I climbed up the rock stairs overlooking the ocean and worshiped. A guy came up. Skinny with dirty clothes. He offered us all a puff of his cigarette, and I felt a little bad none of us smoked to accept the gesture.
We asked him some questions, and if he knew Jesus. Zane felt like he had a son, but the guy denied it, and started going off about his work, how difficult it was. He talked so fast! I honestly didn't understand anything. But after a few minutes, it dawned on me. This guy had a mental disorder. "Do you know that Jesus can give you complete freedom in your mind?" He was shocked into silence. I explained to him the entire gospel, and power Jesus has to bring freedom because he died for us, defeated death and came back to life. So he can give full life. The guy started protesting saying how he can't, how he has a son but nobody understands him. I told him none of us have can do it by ourselves, cause we're human, it's impossible. But Jesus can give him freedom right now. As soon as I told him we can pray right now, and if he wanted to receive God's freedom. He said no, later. Maybe another time. and tried shaking my hand to leave. I asked him why not now, that he is precious to God, and Jesus wants to give him life NOW. But he ketp saying no, that he wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow, and got up to run down the stairs.
"Zane, Tasha! Come here now, we gotta pray for this guy!" But he was already down the stairs. I seriously almost ran after him, but Zane reminded me he has to come on his own free will. We interceded for him, trusting that God's words do not return void.
It's just so crazy how a person's spirit KNOWS. that guy KNEW. he came face to face with a Love that penetrates lies, and he turned and ran. But God's not giving up on him.
I almost didn't go evangelizing... I was sitting out on the patio, under a thick heaviness, thinking if I feel like this, there's no way I can go tell people about the freedom and joy in Christ. I was wrestling with God, but under all that heavy pain, I could still feel that joyous freedom! and God told me, that no matter what I feel like or go through, nothing can EVER steal His freedom and joy from me. So I set my will to that truth, got up, and went to the plaza.
Wow. We invited the HOly Spirit as we walked, full of joy. AT the plaza we asked God what to do, and after holding hands and laughing and dancing for like 20 minutes I swear, we finally decided to break up into two groups.
Zane, Tasha and I climbed up the rock stairs overlooking the ocean and worshiped. A guy came up. Skinny with dirty clothes. He offered us all a puff of his cigarette, and I felt a little bad none of us smoked to accept the gesture.
We asked him some questions, and if he knew Jesus. Zane felt like he had a son, but the guy denied it, and started going off about his work, how difficult it was. He talked so fast! I honestly didn't understand anything. But after a few minutes, it dawned on me. This guy had a mental disorder. "Do you know that Jesus can give you complete freedom in your mind?" He was shocked into silence. I explained to him the entire gospel, and power Jesus has to bring freedom because he died for us, defeated death and came back to life. So he can give full life. The guy started protesting saying how he can't, how he has a son but nobody understands him. I told him none of us have can do it by ourselves, cause we're human, it's impossible. But Jesus can give him freedom right now. As soon as I told him we can pray right now, and if he wanted to receive God's freedom. He said no, later. Maybe another time. and tried shaking my hand to leave. I asked him why not now, that he is precious to God, and Jesus wants to give him life NOW. But he ketp saying no, that he wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow, and got up to run down the stairs.
"Zane, Tasha! Come here now, we gotta pray for this guy!" But he was already down the stairs. I seriously almost ran after him, but Zane reminded me he has to come on his own free will. We interceded for him, trusting that God's words do not return void.
It's just so crazy how a person's spirit KNOWS. that guy KNEW. he came face to face with a Love that penetrates lies, and he turned and ran. But God's not giving up on him.
Puzzle Pieces
my Loving Father is definitely challenged my trust.
By the third day of WISE school orientation, I was in tears of anxiety. No joke. Yes, I'm excited for this school to be intense, but between that and having other passions and plans for being in Mexico and keeping in touch with my family and friends back home... I felt scattered. A fragmented life with so many people, experiences, tasks, demands, events.
How do you even begin to keep that together? Answer:
God said, TRUST ME. And now He's speaking about two key principles.
1. Living in His presence at all times is my ONLY concern. Through that His love binds all things together in perfect harmony.
2. Time-management. Oooh yes, thank you Jesus. Doesn't sound spiritual, but Harmony (our school leader) told us managing our time is SO spiritual and crucial. There is so much warfare over our time, and truly every moment I have is a gift from God to be governed by Him.
God gave us a Spirit of power, love, and SELF-DISCIPLINE. I never got that before.. like yeah power and love rock on. but self-discipline??? that doesn't sound exciting. But this is who the Holy Spirit is. So if I let Him govern my time, the schedule will serve me, instead of me serving the schedule.
Can I get an amen and hallelujah.
By the third day of WISE school orientation, I was in tears of anxiety. No joke. Yes, I'm excited for this school to be intense, but between that and having other passions and plans for being in Mexico and keeping in touch with my family and friends back home... I felt scattered. A fragmented life with so many people, experiences, tasks, demands, events.
How do you even begin to keep that together? Answer:
God said, TRUST ME. And now He's speaking about two key principles.
1. Living in His presence at all times is my ONLY concern. Through that His love binds all things together in perfect harmony.
2. Time-management. Oooh yes, thank you Jesus. Doesn't sound spiritual, but Harmony (our school leader) told us managing our time is SO spiritual and crucial. There is so much warfare over our time, and truly every moment I have is a gift from God to be governed by Him.
God gave us a Spirit of power, love, and SELF-DISCIPLINE. I never got that before.. like yeah power and love rock on. but self-discipline??? that doesn't sound exciting. But this is who the Holy Spirit is. So if I let Him govern my time, the schedule will serve me, instead of me serving the schedule.
Can I get an amen and hallelujah.
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